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Dear Diary,


April 10:

Just moved to Texas! Wow! Would you look at all those wildflowers?! Who knew bluebonnets could grow in oceans like that??



May 15:

Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. Wave after wave of wildflower color each week.


June 14th:


Really heating up. Got to 100 today and it's not even officially "Summer" yet. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper. Colors are muting somewhat but what a blue sky!


June 30th:

After getting this month's water bill, had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here. The green of the cactus will be a nice contrast to the tawny browns of what's left of the lawn.


July 10th:

The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy, though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected. Gold bond just doesn't soothe the chafing anymore. Cactus doesn't look so green this week. Sky washing out to a painful glare.


July 15th:

Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this. Unable to get outside to water the cactus.


July 20th:

I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag. Popped like a water balloon when I opened the door. The car now smells like Kibbles and Sh**. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again. Paint peeling off the hood and roof, now. Oh well, at least the car's not rusting like up north!


July 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts. Might take a while - deliveries have slowed down with the trucks sinking into the melting tarmac. Wonder what color the cactus is now?


July 30th:

Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?


Aug. 4th:

Its 115 degrees. One Hundred Fifteen Flippin' Degrees!! Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $1500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state. Cactus is dead - same color as peeling beige paint on the retaining wall


Aug. 8th:

If another wisenheimer cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Dang heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!! Dashboard is cracked and seats are fading - and that's after parking it in the garage each day!


Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my butt was on fire. My skin melted to the seat.. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and butt. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt, and baked cat. The only color I see is the flaming red on the back of my thighs.


Aug 10th:

The weather report might as well be a dang recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 dang months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week! I won't have to watch that weatherman again, after throwing the remote through the TV. Doesn't it ever rain in this state? Water rationing will be next, if they can find any, so my $1700 replacement cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this heat. You know why there are no camels here? Because they died.


Aug. 14th:

Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today... again... for the 7th time this month. Latest cacti are dead. Forgot to crack the driver's window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Didn't get the window fixed. There'll probably be a family of armadillos living in the front seat by tomorrow. Freaking Texas. What kind of a sick demented idiots started this place? Who in their right mind would want to live here?? Don't have enough money to buy anymore cacti.

August 31:

Bail revoked when I threw a shovel at the AC repairman. In all fairness, he'd just told me that the whole compressor needed to be replaced and would take five weeks to get the 'new' freon required. Last cactus has crumbled to dust. Sky is the color of dirty dishwater mixed with diluted Windex. Must be those Mexican fires blowing our way.

September 5:

Trial #1 and Arraignment #2 happen together today. A real disappointment - it means one less day in this air-conditioned government building. They won't let me keep any notebooks of my own for the hearings, so I'll write later to let you know how the trial(s) go.