{CROSSWAYSNET}

I'm a Consultant. I charge what I'm worth... then add 300%.

I'm a Lawyer. I speak a language you'll never understand, and I charge $300 an hour to translate it for you - and you still won't know what I'm saying.

I'm a Pastor. I'm highly-trained to mystify God's plain text.


I'm a mother of (# here). I can use "justifiable homicide" as a defense at any time, so don't push me.

I'm an Accountant. I'd like nothing more than to take a peek at your numbers.

I'm a Mechanic. I have no idea what's wrong with your vehicle, but I'll charge you $100 an hour to play with my tools.

I'm a Postman. I'm not paid to think, and I usually don't.

I'm the President of the United States. What? You haven't heard of me?

I'm a Software Engineer. I write sketches, first drafts, revisions and final drafts. I call them "Alpha," "Beta," "Pre-release Beta" and "Full-release." I charge you for each of them. Then I charge you again for a revision that actually works, written by people I hired in India.

I'm a Carpenter. At least I will be until I blow out my back and lose3 fingers. Then I'll be a Contractor.

I'm a Septic Tank Service Technician. I suck up all the stuff youhoped would stay buried way, way underground.

I'm an Arborist. That's an obscure word for "tree sadist."

I'm an Elected Official. You voted for me the first time on the platform of "Change." Now you elect me on the platform of"Experience." I didn't do the former, and the latter means the former will never happen.

and to wrap things up:

Rube Goldberg Society: Hopelessly complicating the profoundly simple for 75 years.